Christian testimonies

Anna

My parents are Christians and from my earliest days I was taught about spiritual things. I came to church, children’s clubs and was taught the Bible at home. As a young child I believed that the things I had been taught were true. I was interested in the Bible and always asked lots of questions. However, I just didn’t want to become a Christian because I knew I would have to give my life to Christ. I wanted to live life my own way and thought that the question of my relationship with God could wait. I just assumed I would become a Christian when I was older.

In the summer of 2003, around my 11th birthday, I became much more serious about wanting to become a Christian. I felt my sins a lot and I knew I was a very bad person on the inside. I wanted to be right with God. I prayed that God would forgive me but nothing happened. I spent many nights agonising over why I wasn’t being saved. I wondered if I wasn’t trusting God enough and I was trying to save myself, or if there was some sin that I had not repented of. I was really scared that I would die before God answered my prayers and that I would go to hell. There were several times when I thought I had become a Christian but after a few days I always realised I was mistaken. I read the Bible by myself but some passages didn’t seem to say much to me and I found some parts difficult and hard to understand.

There were some times when other things seemed more attractive than seeking the Lord but deep down I knew that nothing was more important than finding Him. I now realise that I didn’t stop seeking the Lord because He was keeping me. I struggled with some verses in the Bible. For example, Romans 10 v 9 says “if you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you will be saved”. I had told other people that I believed Jesus was the Son of God and he died for other people’s sins and I knew the resurrection happened, so why had I not become a Christian? I wondered if I would become a Christian when I was old or just before I died and this was not how I wanted things to be.

This continued for 2 years. In the summer of 2005, I went with my family to the church house party. I was sitting in the room waiting for the Wednesday prayer meeting to start. I suddenly felt an impulse to get out of the room. I did not leave and the prayer meeting started. Near the beginning, I felt God drawing near to me and I prayed more than ever to be forgiven. I felt I would rather die than live my life away from God. I wanted to be His servant. Then I felt the most wonderful feeling – I knew I had been forgiven.

From then on Bible reading became completely different. I felt I understood the words and I loved reading about the love of Christ – how He came from heaven to earth then died for all my sins on the cross. I also felt I hated my sins much more as these were the sins that Jesus died for.

I now know Jesus as my personal Saviour and live for him. I still sin but I know that I will not be held accountable for my sins at judgement day. I still marvel at the grace of God – He saved a miserable sinner like me.

“For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast.” I love this verse. I did nothing to save myself – it was all God. God planted the desire in me to be saved and God sent His Holy Spirit into my heart. He will keep me forever and when I die I will go to live with Him in heaven.