Christian testimonies

Bernadette
As a child I found going to Church a duty, a chore and, tedious and something that I could do without. This was how my relationship with spiritual things continued for several years. Even when I moved from South Africa with my parents and attended Amyand Park Chapel I found that the sermons that I heard did not provoke her to consider how I stood with God and my mind just wandered instead.

When one of my friends was saved I began to see that she had gained something which I lacked. She had this overwhelming urge to inundate me with Jesus Christ whenever possible!

I began to feel very uncomfortable and intimidated by the Gospel but slowly, instead of ignoring the sermons, I began to listen and what I heard made me angry because as far as I was concerned I was a good girl. The more I heard, the more I did not want to hear. I did not want Christ to play a part in my life. I knew that by coming to him I would have to give up my life and all the materialistic possessions that were my gods in order to make room for him. In my running away from him however, he slowly started to reveal himself to me and, in turn, showed what I really was.

I cannot place an exact date on becoming a Christian. All I can remember is that at one Evening Service the preaching had been on Heaven and Hell and why the Lord Jesus had come to earth. I became overwhelmed by a sense of guilt. I felt so humble and insignificant in the presence of an almighty and awesome God. This all-powerful God could do absolutely anything to me at any time but he had restrained his anger toward me.

I can hardly tell you how I felt. Heaven, Hell and eternity had become a reality to me. I wanted to cry out to God but self would not let me go. I would have to give up my own life and give Jesus the throne of my heart. I felt guilty. God had shown me myself for what I was. Measured against his standards I was a sinner and deserved eternal punishment in Hell. The Lord, though, in his grace offered me the free gift of eternal life which his own dear Son, Jesus, had paid for on the cross.

At this point I cried to God. I told him that I did not deserve his love and that it would be right and just for me to die. I told him of my sin and how I had gone against him and his will. I pleaded to be forgiven and to be washed in his blood that I would be faultless in his sight.

I was saved but there was no flash of light, nothing dramatic happened immediately as I thought it would and I began to neglect my Bible-reading and prayers because I felt discouraged and lacked assurance.

I found assurance in John 3 v 37: ‘All that the father gives me will come to me and the one who comes to me, I will by no means cast out.” In that I found assurance of his love to me and that if I had confessed my sins then he would not reject me and would never let me go. I became more aware of wrong and wanted to please God like I had never done before: I learned that being more aware of sin and not liking it and feeling bad about it and wanting to please God was an assurance in itself.

I now know where I am heading in this life. I know that God loves me as his own dear child and will never leave me nor forsake me. I know that I have not earned this love and free pardon; it is only through the grace of God who gave his only begotten Son that whoever believes in him will not perish but have everlasting life. Instead of being an enemy of God I am now an adopted child, loved by him. Christ is now my King, my Saviour, my Foundation and my Friend.